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The musings of a Detroit-area sportswriter in the digital age.

Monday, May 16, 2011

You're nobody 'till somebody skewers you

As they tend to do, The Onion went after a real person, this time in the form of Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, after the hurler threw his second no-hitter in Toronto.

The story jokingly portrays JV's parents as non-baseball people in "Justin Verlander doesn't bother telling parents difference between no-hitter and perfect game," as they wonder what's so great about a no-no if it's not a perfect game?
"A frustrated Verlander, who threw his second career no-hitter last Saturday against the Toronto Blue Jays, said his parents Richard and Kathy had asked if he would be receiving some kind of promotion for his accomplishment, if this meant he would finally be allowed to hit during the games, if he would have received a promotion had he thrown a perfect game instead, why he 'slacks off' and throws some pitches slower than others, and whether or not he needed any money."
Later in the story, a fake quote from Verlander makes the pitcher happy for his younger brother who "gets it."
The real dig comes near the end, when the story says JV's parents would really only come to understand and follow their son if he were in pinstripes.
"Verlander, who signed a five-year, $80 million contract extension in 2010, told reporters his parents had never really understood his job as a starting pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, and said they would only be truly proud of him if he played for the New York Yankees."
Before they could get off the phone, Ma Verlander "reportedly" asked her son if she could simply tell her friends he threw a perfect game anyway.
Read in full detail


Blogger John Leach said...

Ah hell, Paul, the Onion's just doing what they do. They're a step above the Inquirer and a step below Mad. Besides, a guy making $16M a year should be able to laugh off whatever such a rag has to say. If JV ever finds himself in divorce court.... now THAT'S skewered.

May 17, 2011 at 2:42 AM 

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